Archive for June, 2012
It’s the month of June, the most popular month for couples to march down the wedding isle. In fact, it is believed that the month of June was named after the Roman goddess, Juno, wife of Jupiter, and goddess of marriage. At any rate, many marry in June because they believe it is god luck, or perhaps so many simply like to follow tradition …or both.
By why get married at all? Let’s face it, the practical reasons against marriage far outweigh those for. It used to be a social necessity to marry in order to cohabit and bear children, but cohabitation and having children out of wedlock is no longer taboo in much of the world. Perhaps the only advantage now for getting married is to be able to file a joint tax return.
So, in honor of June, the traditional month of marriage, below is a semi-humorous entry à la David Letterman as to the top ten reasons to not get married. (Note : This was written from a perspective of marriage American style.)
10. It’s passé. Marriage is an antiquated ritual, involving a man in a penguin suit walking down the isle to the tune of quite unoriginal music, in front of envious people, with a women (he’s already been living with for months…or years), donning an extravagantly expensive garment she’ll never wear again, and one which keeps everyone at bay for fear of tripping over it.
9. The expense! Why lay out $25 K (the average cost for a wedding in the U.S.) for a one-time event when such as sum would make a hell of a down payment on a house?! (Not to mention how many lap dances $25K would buy!)
8. The average cost for a divorce is $20 K. Just think: if you make a really poor judgment call on your “life-long” mate, and the marriage only lasts a year, that’s about $50 grand that you and/or your family has forked out just to say “I do” … and a year later to cry out: “I’m keeping the house!” I say treat yourself to a brand new car instead and help put a lawyer out of business!
7. Marriage changes some people for the worst (probably the guys more than the girls), as if a marriage license was also a license to completely take your spouse for granted. Bottom line: Will your significant other turn from a Dr. Jekyll to a Mr. Hyde shortly after the chime of wedding bells? Why take the chance?
6. After a woman has been married for a while she is often referred to as “the wife,” not my wife, but the wife, as in “What’s ya doin’ tonight, Fred” “Oh, I’m just taking the wife out to the movies.” Is replacing my with the just a little demeaning -however unintentionally – or is it just me? Funny how you never hear a woman say, “The husband is taking me out to the movies.”
5. Some men tend to belch and fart more openly after getting married. Sure, some do this as well after living with a woman for a while; however, they are probably a little more likely to continue against protest, being armed with the mindset: “What is she going to do, divorce me over farting!?”
4. Women are expected to change or hyphenate their names. That’s not such a bad thing if your maiden name is Ima Henderson, for example, and if you’re engaged to a Mr. Smith, but a real bummer, if you’re fiancée’s last name happens to be Hogg or Hooker! It wouldn’t be too cool either if your maiden name is Paige Williams, and you happen to fall in love with some bloke who’s last name is Turner.
3. Cold feet. Wedding day jitters is an expensive angst that can be avoided. A trip to the dentist sooner or later is a must, but not a march down the wedding isle.
2. The moment you are married you immediately lose the much more charming and socially endearing label of fiancée.
Drum roll: AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON TO NOT GET MARRIED:
1. You won’t have to go deeply into hock for a tiny little stone for a finger that you might wish to bite off in a few years.
Article first published as Top Ten Reasons NOT to Get Married on Technorati.